Discontentment..really?!

I'm reminded today of why God means the world to me. I was having another one of those moments where I felt again, like that nagging feeling was becoming unbearable. I had so much on my mind: work, unmet goals, car troubles, sibling issues, and naturally my bodily ailments with the common cold..argh!! Boy, did I feel justified to crawl under the bed and cry. I hate that feeling! And though it's always been there since I left college and started so-called Life, I never experienced it like this before...probably because lately I've done away with the escapism of social media, media , boy toys, and  other activities that give me the allusion that all is ok in my life. 

Sidebar: Let's admit it ladies...when we doubt where we are in life and value affirmation of our own existence, don't we look at celebrities and our Facebook obsessively to see how liked our comments are or what in our closet can give us that "Olivia Pope" look?! I have wonderful friends who have been resharpened into God's thinking on beauty and image ( check their site here, http://exposedconference.com/ ) which is so needed in our lives right now.

 However, most of us "weak-willed" would never claim these things to be our issue...nooooooo, so we go back to thinking that we have to busy our lives to obtain value in our days. We can't rest, trust, or believe that our God is bigger than our circumstance, so we live out our days thinking on the future i.e future husband, next career move, or new life plans. The question I hear the Lord asking me time and time again whenever the nagging is unbearable and I MUST pray through it is...why daughter? why? 

I respond with what do you mean "Why" Lord? Today, he answered back and reminded me of his promise to me and I to him in Psalms 37:4:

English Standard Version
Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Ultimately, I realized that I'm not experiencing delight in any form by skipping to my desires. That's the reverse of what this scripture is telling us to do. At that moment, I deeply took that stance that never will skip over the now and His precious blood spilled for me TODAY and focus on my ever-changing desires. If I'm going to ever enjoy life as it it every morning I wake up, I must never forget to delight in the Lord and leave the plans for my life in His hands. Such a simple lesson, but I am speechless on how God can transform our minds toward his thinking so radically. 

Oh, and by the way, that "nagging" of mine turned out to be a divine calling from my Lord and Husband for greater intimacy that beckoned me to turn away from selfish pursuits and come to him:)

Ladies/sisters/fellow brides of Christ,

COME STRONG!

De'Ja 

What is this about?

Ever get a nagging feeling inside of you, like you know there's some area of your life that your just not meeting the mark in? You try to not be downcast about it but every time expectations in that area arise, your reminded of how much of a failure you are. I know that feeling totally well because I've stayed in it, wallowed in it, and breathed that life. I can think of a few culprits to blame: insecurities, people-pleasing, rejection, and uncertainity about what's to come with the present AND the future. Whew! That's a whole lot of issues. No wonder I hopped from relationship to relationship, hopped from church to church, and could never stay consistent to my own goals I set. Why? Well, whenever I discovered an area of insecurity in my life I....ran. I realized after finishing my Bachelors, Post-graduate, Masters, living the corporate life and having way too much time on my hands for mind-numbing activities, I finally had the time to consider my spiritual and emotional state.

I was done with that life.

This blog is a hard one to write. I definitely don't want to treat it like a personal journal without anyone being encouraged,  but where I'm currently at requires that I get very personal in order to spotlight God's amazing plan for my life and yours:)  My last entry was like in 2012. During that time, I had consecrated myself to the Lord in a journey to be healed and understand my identity in Him. It lasted for 6 months, and although I regained so much strength during that time, I quickly re-entered into another relationship (We'll talk about why this keeps happening ladies after we get recharged in the Lord) and was suddenly back where I started. I call this blog, " Weak woman, come strong" because I am a recovering "weak-willed woman". If you have ever opened to the Bible to the book of 2 Timothy you may have read of her in passing but here it is:

ESV : 2 Timothy 3:6
They are the kind who work their way into people's homes and win the confidence of vulnerable women who are burdened with the guilt of sin and controlled by various desires.

That scripture has always reminded me of the truth behind the Cross for me. That's why Christ died for De'Ja Autman. The weak-willed woman in part is :

• Discontent
• Troubled
• Filled with worry and insecurity
• Impulsive
• Gossiper
• Ashamed
• Lacking self-control
• Consumed with the outward appearance
• Timid 

And most of all, scripture concludes this by saying in the same passage:

ESV: 2 Timothy 3:7

"always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth" 

Ladies, this is real. We are not any of those things in Christ because the most mysterious part of it all is that Christ's death on the cross for you and me was so VICTORIOUS that it trumps everything for the weak-willed woman. She does not desire to remain this way as a saint but sadly,she has lost her faith in her God because she cared more about what others thought of her and what she could control. This is just the beginning but allow God to minister to you through my hurts and triumphs, and let it be for the glory of God within you. I say it now and at the end of every future post beloved......

Weak woman, Come Strong!

Love your sis in Christ,

De'Ja

How to be a faithful and loving wife to Jesus

I know everyone's list is different but I didn't want to waste anymore time dreaming about what type of wife I want to be to my future husband. I'm not in the future, and fortunately :), there is no suitor in sight--at least until God finishes making me into his perfect bride :). So I decided to learn from what the Holy Spirit's been pouring into me lately how to be more faithful to my warrior groom. Understanding this whole intimacy with Jesus has really blown me away lately! I mean I never knew that the desires God has birthed in me to a.) be a place of rest and safety for my husband, b.) a woman of integrity and purity, and c.) initiate intimacy with my husband, were all qualities he wanted me to demonstrate in my relationship with him today! So I wanted to explore the ways God is calling me to love him as his faithful and loving bride to  Jesus. I only have 10, but they've already challenged me to make my home in God:

1.) Not murmur or complain

2.) Be a doer of the word

3.) Initiate intimacy

4.) draw near to God

5.) Be content

6.) Learn obedience

7.)Trust in God's provision

8.) Focus on how to love God through his people and various other commitments

9.) Be peaceable by choosing humility

10.) Take thought in my appearance and be orderly in conduct


I'll describe these qualities more fully in my next blog but I had to write them down!

Be beautifully made whole Queen_______,

Love Queen Surrender <3

Finding Strength after a horrible break-up :(

There are seasons in our life that just simply don't equal up to the amount of work and time you put in to it. One particular season that I'm battling through is the hurt and pain experienced after an unwanted breakup. I truly believed that I had found the one. He had entered into the picture 2 years prior while I was in my senior year of college, and while time wasn't on our side --since I was new to my relationship with God and distance stood in the way--we still managed to develop a strong desire for one another. We decided to end our summer romance before it began, believing God would bring it back if he should desire. 2 years pass and after restraining the desire to reach out to him upon moving back to town after graduation, we remain cool, distant friends for awhile. Last summer, however, changed everything.

We quickly picked up things where they left off as if time hadn't changed either of us. The first three months were amazing . We enjoyed being back in each others life again, and even began discussing marriage much sooner than we should have. My heart belonged completely to this man. I started to make plans for my life that included him in the picture.

The word of our living God says to " Guard your heart, it is the wellspring of life" This is so true, especially when you think of a jealous God who demands all of your heart and love. But, I asked, how is that possible to do when you must truly fall in love with/give your heart to a person before you decide to spend your live with them? The answer to that is made clear to the woman whose heart already belongs and always remains with God. He is the sustainer of our life, so it makes sense that we would want our heart with Him and guarded from others. Can ol'boy or ol'girl be the wellspring or source of your life? Can they keep your heart perfectly satisfied while remaining patient enough to bear your weaknesses so that your life is made more complete?
The answer is no.

Think of some expectations you had of your significant other and how they met or fell short of that. Now ask yourself did they ever love you so perfectly that you felt free to give love to others (not just your boo)? When God has our hearts we have the strength we need to live life to its fullest. We love those who once made us feel miserable or intimidated or rejected. We even have joy that replaces the emotional rollercoaster of emotions we once attached to people.  Psalm 84:5-7 is an encouraging word for those who may have experienced a hurtful break-up and now desire to receive strength, joy, and companionship from the all-satisfying source of their life, Jesus :

Psalm 84:5-7

New Living Translation (NLT)

 ⁵ What joy for those whose strength comes from the LORD,
      who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem.
 ⁶ When they walk through the Valley of Weeping,^[a]
      it will become a place of refreshing springs.
      The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.
 ⁷ They will continue to grow stronger,
      and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.^[b]

I pray you be filled to the brim with wisdom and love so that your heart may return back to its rightful owner and be restored!

Find strength Queen_________,

Love Queen Surrender  :)