Discontentment..really?!

I'm reminded today of why God means the world to me. I was having another one of those moments where I felt again, like that nagging feeling was becoming unbearable. I had so much on my mind: work, unmet goals, car troubles, sibling issues, and naturally my bodily ailments with the common cold..argh!! Boy, did I feel justified to crawl under the bed and cry. I hate that feeling! And though it's always been there since I left college and started so-called Life, I never experienced it like this before...probably because lately I've done away with the escapism of social media, media , boy toys, and  other activities that give me the allusion that all is ok in my life. 

Sidebar: Let's admit it ladies...when we doubt where we are in life and value affirmation of our own existence, don't we look at celebrities and our Facebook obsessively to see how liked our comments are or what in our closet can give us that "Olivia Pope" look?! I have wonderful friends who have been resharpened into God's thinking on beauty and image ( check their site here, http://exposedconference.com/ ) which is so needed in our lives right now.

 However, most of us "weak-willed" would never claim these things to be our issue...nooooooo, so we go back to thinking that we have to busy our lives to obtain value in our days. We can't rest, trust, or believe that our God is bigger than our circumstance, so we live out our days thinking on the future i.e future husband, next career move, or new life plans. The question I hear the Lord asking me time and time again whenever the nagging is unbearable and I MUST pray through it is...why daughter? why? 

I respond with what do you mean "Why" Lord? Today, he answered back and reminded me of his promise to me and I to him in Psalms 37:4:

English Standard Version
Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Ultimately, I realized that I'm not experiencing delight in any form by skipping to my desires. That's the reverse of what this scripture is telling us to do. At that moment, I deeply took that stance that never will skip over the now and His precious blood spilled for me TODAY and focus on my ever-changing desires. If I'm going to ever enjoy life as it it every morning I wake up, I must never forget to delight in the Lord and leave the plans for my life in His hands. Such a simple lesson, but I am speechless on how God can transform our minds toward his thinking so radically. 

Oh, and by the way, that "nagging" of mine turned out to be a divine calling from my Lord and Husband for greater intimacy that beckoned me to turn away from selfish pursuits and come to him:)

Ladies/sisters/fellow brides of Christ,

COME STRONG!

De'Ja 

What is this about?

Ever get a nagging feeling inside of you, like you know there's some area of your life that your just not meeting the mark in? You try to not be downcast about it but every time expectations in that area arise, your reminded of how much of a failure you are. I know that feeling totally well because I've stayed in it, wallowed in it, and breathed that life. I can think of a few culprits to blame: insecurities, people-pleasing, rejection, and uncertainity about what's to come with the present AND the future. Whew! That's a whole lot of issues. No wonder I hopped from relationship to relationship, hopped from church to church, and could never stay consistent to my own goals I set. Why? Well, whenever I discovered an area of insecurity in my life I....ran. I realized after finishing my Bachelors, Post-graduate, Masters, living the corporate life and having way too much time on my hands for mind-numbing activities, I finally had the time to consider my spiritual and emotional state.

I was done with that life.

This blog is a hard one to write. I definitely don't want to treat it like a personal journal without anyone being encouraged,  but where I'm currently at requires that I get very personal in order to spotlight God's amazing plan for my life and yours:)  My last entry was like in 2012. During that time, I had consecrated myself to the Lord in a journey to be healed and understand my identity in Him. It lasted for 6 months, and although I regained so much strength during that time, I quickly re-entered into another relationship (We'll talk about why this keeps happening ladies after we get recharged in the Lord) and was suddenly back where I started. I call this blog, " Weak woman, come strong" because I am a recovering "weak-willed woman". If you have ever opened to the Bible to the book of 2 Timothy you may have read of her in passing but here it is:

ESV : 2 Timothy 3:6
They are the kind who work their way into people's homes and win the confidence of vulnerable women who are burdened with the guilt of sin and controlled by various desires.

That scripture has always reminded me of the truth behind the Cross for me. That's why Christ died for De'Ja Autman. The weak-willed woman in part is :

• Discontent
• Troubled
• Filled with worry and insecurity
• Impulsive
• Gossiper
• Ashamed
• Lacking self-control
• Consumed with the outward appearance
• Timid 

And most of all, scripture concludes this by saying in the same passage:

ESV: 2 Timothy 3:7

"always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth" 

Ladies, this is real. We are not any of those things in Christ because the most mysterious part of it all is that Christ's death on the cross for you and me was so VICTORIOUS that it trumps everything for the weak-willed woman. She does not desire to remain this way as a saint but sadly,she has lost her faith in her God because she cared more about what others thought of her and what she could control. This is just the beginning but allow God to minister to you through my hurts and triumphs, and let it be for the glory of God within you. I say it now and at the end of every future post beloved......

Weak woman, Come Strong!

Love your sis in Christ,

De'Ja